Pinseekers.info

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" height=100 BGCOLOR="#336600" TEXT="#F7F7FF" bgproperties="fixed" background="04a00640dwnplj.jpg"> <div> <B> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="640" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 89 WIDTH="126"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="89" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="126" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><div> <I><B>Pinseekers.info</B></I></div> <div> <B> <TABLE BORDER="1" CELLPADDING="0" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="374" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#FF9900" BORDERCOLORDARK="#FFCC66" FRAME="VOID" RULES="COLS" ALIGN="LEFT" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" BGCOLOR=#336600 > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 23 ><NOBR><div> <A HREF="index_m.htm#schedule" TARGET="TRLX_Middle" TITLE="Pinseekers.info"><B>Sched.</B></A></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><div> <A HREF="index_m.htm#bad_golf_jokes" TARGET="TRLX_Middle" TITLE="Pinseekers.info"><B>Humor</B></A></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="72"><div> <A HREF="index_m.htm#news" TARGET="TRLX_Middle" TITLE="Pinseekers.info"><B>News</B></A></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><div> <A HREF="index_m.htm#results_0301_1" TARGET="TRLX_Middle" TITLE="Pinseekers.info"><B>Results</B></A></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><div> <A HREF="index_m.htm#videos" TARGET="TRLX_Middle" TITLE="Pinseekers.info"><B>Videos</B></A></div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> </TABLE></B></div> <bR> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="126"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="89" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="126" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> </tR> </TABLE></B></div> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" height=380 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000" background="04bc68d3.gif"> <div> <FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#FFCC00" FACE="Arial" > <STYLE type="text/css">  </STYLE>  </FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#00FF00" FACE="Arial" > <SCRIPT language="javascript"> //Specify the marquee's width (in pixels) var marqueewidth="650px" //Specify the marquee's height var marqueeheight="40px" //Specify the marquee's marquee speed (larger is faster 1-10) var marqueespeed=2 //configure background color: var marqueebgcolor="Transparent" //Pause marquee onMousever (0=no. 1=yes)? var pauseit=1 </SCRIPT>  </FONT> <A NAME="top"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="1" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="1" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" ></A> <script language="JavaScript">  </script>  <FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#FFCC00" FACE="Arial" > </FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#FFCC00" FACE="Brush Script MT" > <style type="text/css">  </style>  </FONT></div> <div>  <script type="text/javascript" src="http://voap.weather.com/weather/oap/34491?template=GOLFV&par=3000000007&unit=0&key=twciweatherwidget"></script>  </div> <div> <I><B> <marquee width="650" height="40" behaviour="scroll" direction="left" loop="infinite" bgcolor="transparent" align="left">...Welcome To pinseekers.info..Handicaps updated 9/15.......</marquee>  </B></I></div> <div> <IMG SRC="06880c80.gif" border=0 width="640" height="200" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="06380e00.jpg" border=0 width="640" height="480" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> <I><B><U>Bulletin</U></B></I>... you heard it here first! </div> <div> British Petroleum announced today that they will no longer hire Cajuns to help in the cleanup. Thiobodeaux, Boudreaux, and Fontenot were told to clean as many brown pelicans as they could.... </div> <div> So far, Thibodeaux has cleaned and gutted 56 birds while Boudreaux made the roux and Fontenot cooked the rice.</div> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="4" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="715" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#FFCC00" BORDERCOLORDARK="#336600" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" BGCOLOR=#000000 > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=2 BGCOLOR=#FFFF99 HEIGHT= 33 ><NOBR><div> Photos (and captions) from the picnic by Larry Deeken.</div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP BGCOLOR=#FFFF99 HEIGHT= 506 ><NOBR><div> <I><B><IMG SRC="0645ed20.jpg" border=0 width="350" height="466" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></I></div> <div> <I><B>Guess Who ?</B></I></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP BGCOLOR=#FFFF99><NOBR><div> <I><B><IMG SRC="0655ed20.jpg" border=0 width="350" height="466" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></I></div> <div> Really, I was A Cop Before...</div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP BGCOLOR=#FFFF99 HEIGHT= 307 ><NOBR><div> <IMG SRC="0665e070.jpg" border=0 width="350" height="263" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> <I><B>The Blues Brothers</B></I></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP BGCOLOR=#FFFF99><NOBR><div> <I><B><IMG SRC="0675e070.jpg" border=0 width="350" height="263" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></I></div> <div> <FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#330000" FACE="Arial" ><I><B>I'm </B></I></FONT><I><B><U>t</U></B></I><I><B><U>rying</U></B></I><I><B><U> </U></B></I><FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#330000" FACE="Arial" ><I><B>to shut up !</B></I></FONT></div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="2" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="603" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#FF0000" BORDERCOLORDARK="#CC9922" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER BGCOLOR=#CCFF33 HEIGHT= 68 ><NOBR><div>  <a href="HTMLobj-93/BOOGIEWOOGIE.wmv" target="_blank"><u>BOOGIEWOOGIE.wmv</u></a>  </div> <div> The way it should be played and danced!!!</div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER BGCOLOR=#CCFF33 HEIGHT= 115 WIDTH="591"><div>  <a href="HTMLobj-94/Dentist1.wmv" target="_blank"><u>Gov't Run Dental Care</u></a>  </div> <div> A Tim Conway Classic</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER BGCOLOR=#CCFF33 HEIGHT= 138 ><NOBR><div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="1" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="602" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="VOID" RULES="NONE" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 90 WIDTH="598"><bR> <bR> <bR> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER BGCOLOR=#CCFF33 HEIGHT= 30 WIDTH="591"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="30" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="591" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="05c348a0.jpg" border=0 width="308" height="1162" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> <I><B>Thanks to Ray Cunningham for forwarding the following video. To View Video First Stop Background Music Using Control Above....</B></I></div> <div> <I><B> <object width="640" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/5pfBUUZNbFM&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xd0d0d0&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/5pfBUUZNbFM&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xd0d0d0&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="640" height="385"></embed></object>  </B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B> <TABLE BORDER="2" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="771" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" BGCOLOR=#FFFFFF > <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 482 WIDTH="759"><div> Stand proud you noble swingers of clubs and losers of balls....</div> <bR> <div> A recent study found the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year.</div> <div> Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.</div> <div> That means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon.</div> <bR> <div> Kind of makes you proud. Almost feel like a hybrid.</div> <div> <IMG SRC="0598c770.gif" border=0 width="140" height="119" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 1370 WIDTH="759"><div> <B>So y'all wondered what she looked like out of the beverage cart? Here Ya Go......</B></div> <div> <B>VVVV</B></div> <div> <B>VVVVV</B></div> <div> <B>VVVVVV</B></div> <div> <B>v</B></div> <div> <B>v</B></div> <div> <B>v</B></div> <div> <B>v</B></div> <div> <B>v</B></div> <div> <B>v</B></div> <div> <B>v</B></div> <div> <B>v</B></div> <div> <B>v</B></div> <div> <B>v</B></div> <div> <B>v</B></div> <div> <B>v</B></div> <div> <B>v</B></div> <div> <B>What the hell is he staring at?</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="05880e00.jpg" border=0 width="640" height="480" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 495 WIDTH="759"><div> <B><IMG SRC="057b6e30.jpg" border=0 width="438" height="483" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 1771 WIDTH="759"><div> <B>Ear Infection</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>This is so true! They always ask at the doctor's office why you are</B></div> <div> <B>there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and</B></div> <div> <B>sometimes it is embarrassing.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell</B></div> <div> <B>her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy</B></div> <div> <B>handled it.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>A 85-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the</B></div> <div> <B>desk.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for</B></div> <div> <B>today?'</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a</B></div> <div> <B>crowded waiting room and say things like that. '</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this</B></div> <div> <B>room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with</B></div> <div> <B>your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor</B></div> <div> <B>in private..'</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of</B></div> <div> <B>strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone. The man walked out,</B></div> <div> <B>waited several minutes, and then re-entered.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??'</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her</B></div> <div> <B>advice. 'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?'</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The waiting room erupted in laughter.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Mess with seniors and you're going to Lose!</B></div> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></B></I></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="2" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="618" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#660000" BORDERCOLORDARK="#003300" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" BGCOLOR=#FFFFFF > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP BGCOLOR=#FF6633 HEIGHT= 3497 WIDTH="606"><div> <B>THE OLDER CROWD</B><B> </B></div> <div> <B>A distraught senior citizen </B></div> <div> <B>Phoned her doctor's office.</B></div> <div> <B>'Is it true,' she wanted to know, </B></div> <div> <B>'that the medication</B></div> <div> <B>You prescribed has to be taken</B></div> <div> <B>For the rest of my life?'</B></div> <div> <B>'Yes, I'm afraid so,' the doctor told her.</B></div> <div> <B>There was a moment of silence</B></div> <div> <B>Before the senior lady replied,</B></div> <div> <B>I'm wondering, then,</B></div> <div> <B>Just how serious is my condition</B></div> <div> <B>Because this prescription is marked</B></div> <div> <B>'NO REFILLS'..' </B></div> <div> <B>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>An older gentleman was </B></div> <div> <B>On the operating table</B></div> <div> <B>Awaiting surgery</B></div> <div> <B>And he insisted that his son,</B></div> <div> <B>A renowned surgeon,</B></div> <div> <B>Perform the operation.</B></div> <div> <B>As he was about to get the anesthesia,</B></div> <div> <B>He asked to speak to his son</B></div> <div> <B>'Yes, Dad, what is it? '</B></div> <div> <B>'Don't be nervous, son;</B></div> <div> <B>Do your best</B></div> <div> <B>And just remember,</B></div> <div> <B>If it doesn't go well,</B></div> <div> <B>If something happens to me,</B></div> <div> <B>Your mother</B></div> <div> <B>Is going to come and</B></div> <div> <B>Live with you and your wife....' </B></div> <div> <B>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Aging: </B></div> <div> <B>Eventually you will reach a point </B></div> <div> <B>When you stop lying about your age</B></div> <div> <B>And start bragging about it.</B></div> <div> <B>---------------------------------</B></div> <div> <B>(My favorite)</B></div> <div> <B>The older we get, </B></div> <div> <B>The fewer things</B></div> <div> <B>Seem worth waiting in line for.</B></div> <div> <B>---------------------------------</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Some people </B></div> <div> <B>Try to turn back their odometers.</B></div> <div> <B>Not me!</B></div> <div> <B>I want people to know 'why'</B></div> <div> <B>I look this way.</B></div> <div> <B>I've traveled a long way</B></div> <div> <B>And some of the roads weren't paved.</B></div> <div> <B>********************</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>When you are dissatisfied</B></div> <div> <B>And would like to go back to youth,</B></div> <div> <B>Think of Algebra.</B></div> <div> <B>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>You know you are getting old when </B></div> <div> <B>Everything either dries up or leaks.</B></div> <div> <B>-------------------------------</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>One of the many things </B></div> <div> <B>No one tells you about aging</B></div> <div> <B>Is that it is such a nice change</B></div> <div> <B>From being young.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Ah, being young is beautiful,</B></div> <div> <B>But being old is comfortable.</B></div> <div> <B>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>First you forget names,</B></div> <div> <B>Then you forget faces.</B></div> <div> <B>Then you forget to pull up your zipper.</B></div> <div> <B>It's worse when</B></div> <div> <B>You forget to pull it down.</B></div> <div> <B>--------------------------------- </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Long ago </B></div> <div> <B>When men cursed</B></div> <div> <B>And beat the ground with sticks,</B></div> <div> <B>It was called witchcraft...</B></div> <div> <B>Today, it's called golf. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Two old guys </B></div> <div> <B>Are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart </B></div> <div> <B>When they collide.</B></div> <div> <B>The first old guy says to the second guy, </B></div> <div> <B>'Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife,</B></div> <div> <B>And I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going. </B></div> <div> <B>The second old guy says, 'That's OK, it's a coincidence..</B></div> <div> <B>I'm looking for my wife, too..'</B></div> <div> <B>I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate'</B></div> <div> <B>The first old guy says, 'Well, </B></div> <div> <B>Maybe I can help you find her..</B></div> <div> <B>What does she look like?'</B></div> <div> <B>' The second old guy says, </B></div> <div> <B>'Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall,</B></div> <div> <B>With red hair,</B></div> <div> <B>Blue eyes,</B></div> <div> <B>Long legs,</B></div> <div> <B>And is wearing short shorts..</B></div> <div> <B>What does your wife look like?'</B></div> <div> <B>To which the first old guy says, 'Doesn't matter,</B></div> <div> <B>--- let's look for yours.'</B></div> <div> <B>********************* </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Lord, </B></div> <div> <B>Keep Your arm around my shoulder, And, Your hand over my mouth!</B></div> <bR> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 1006 WIDTH="606"><div> <B>Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in The Villages, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. </B></div> <div> <B>Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: </B></div> <div> <B>"Are you the owner?" </B></div> <div> <B>The pharmacist answers, "Yes." </B></div> <div> <B>Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?" </B></div> <div> <B>Pharmacist: "Of course, we do." </B></div> <div> <B>Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?" </B></div> <div> <B>Pharmacist: "All kinds." </B></div> <div> <B>Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?" </B></div> <div> <B>Pharmacist: "Definitely." </B></div> <div> <B>Jacob: "How about suppositories?" </B></div> <div> <B>Pharmacist: "You bet!" </B></div> <div> <B>Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer's?" </B></div> <div> <B>Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works." </B></div> <div> <B>Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?" </B></div> <div> <B>Pharmacist: "Absolutely." </B></div> <div> <B>Jacob: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?" </B></div> <div> <B>Pharmacist: "We sure do." </B></div> <div> <B>Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?" </B></div> <div> <B>Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes." </B></div> <div> <B>Jacob: "Adult diapers?" </B></div> <div> <B>Pharmacist: "Sure." </B></div> <div> <B>Jacob: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."</B></div> <bR> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <div> New Video Below, U2 Spyplane Footage.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> <I><B>From Joe Q.</B></I></div> <div> <B>Why play the game of golf? </B></div> <div> <B>It's the way the first tee feels, alive with possibility.</B></div> <div> <B>It's that feeling, out of nowhere, that comes as you're </B></div> <div> <B>lining up a putt, letting you know that all you have to do is get the ball rolling and the hole will get in the way. </B></div> <div> <B>It's the thump of a well-played bunker shot. </B></div> <div> <B>It's nine holes late in the day, when the sun is sinking </B></div> <div> <B>and the shadows are stretching, </B></div> <div> <B>showing every bump and roll in a golden light </B></div> <div> <B>that makes you stop and look around. </B></div> <div> <B>It's calling your shot and pulling it off. </B></div> <div> <B>It's your Saturday morning game, </B></div> <div> <B>with a little money on the line </B></div> <div> <B>and no haggling about the teams. </B></div> <div> <B>It's the guys who </B></div> <div> <B>look like they can't play a lick </B></div> <div> <B>then spend their days around par, </B></div> <div> <B>not needing swing coaches, </B></div> <div> <B>just having a knack for getting the ball </B></div> <div> <B>in the hole. </B></div> <div> <B>It's calling your own penalties. </B></div> <div> <B>It's a kid with his bag slung over his shoulder, </B></div> <div> <B>cap pulled down low, hoofing it down a fairway. </B></div> <div> <B>It's nipping a wedge just right, </B></div> <div> <B>having it bounce once and </B></div> <div> <B>cozy up to the hole. </B></div> <div> <B>It's a bowl of peanuts and </B></div> <div> <B>a cold beer at the end of the day, </B></div> <div> <B>when stories can be embellished, </B></div> <div> <B>if only a little.</B></div> <div> <B>It's the warm feel of a turtleneck in December, </B></div> <div> <B>the first greening of the grass in March, </B></div> <div> <B>the thrill of hitting it a club longer in July </B></div> <div> <B>and greens as fast as the kitchen floor in October.</B></div> <div> <B>It's the suntan marks left by your golf socks and shoes. </B></div> <div> <B>It's having the sun behind you and </B></div> <div> <B>catching a tee shot square, </B></div> <div> <B>having a moment to admire it </B></div> <div> <B>as it's framed against the sky.</B></div> <div> <B>It's the small but sudden thrill of finding a new Titleist, </B></div> <div> <B>even if you already have a bagful. </B></div> <div> <B>It's the clutch in your throat the first time you see Pebble Beach in person and the never-ending thrill playing it. </B></div> <div> <B>It's the belief that the magic you've found in a new driver will last forever. </B></div> <div> <B>It's the scent of salt air, </B></div> <div> <B>the faint taste of pine pollen on your lips </B></div> <div> <B>and the glimpse of a gator in a low country lagoon. </B></div> <div> <B>It's standing over a 5-footer </B></div> <div> <B>that doesn't matter to anyone but you </B></div> <div> <B>and being thankful for the feeling. </B></div> <div> <B>It's Mickelson with a wedge in his hand, </B></div> <div> <B>and Nicklaus on the property.</B></div> <div> <B>It's the little places with </B></div> <div> <B>pickups in the parking lot, </B></div> <div> <B>ragged grass, bumpy greens, </B></div> <div> <B>worn-out golf carts, yellow range balls, </B></div> <div> <B>and a spirit all its own.</B></div> <div> <B>It's the way you practice your swing </B></div> <div> <B>in the elevator riding down, </B></div> <div> <B>the way you put an overlapping grip on the rake, </B></div> <div> <B>and the way you see golf holes </B></div> <div> <B>where others just see </B></div> <div> <B>fields along the highway.</B></div> <div> <B>It's the way tournament golf feels, </B></div> <div> <B>even if it's just a little club event.</B></div> <div> <B>It's the feel of new grips </B></div> <div> <B>and the shine of new irons.</B></div> <div> <B>It's playing with your father, your brother, your son.</B></div> <div> <B>It's listening to David Feherty, Johnny Miller and Nick Faldo explain the game as only they can.</B></div> <div> <B>It's the gentle creak of aging muscles in the evening, </B></div> <div> <B>a good tired.</B></div> <div> <B>It's winning the press at the 18th. </B></div> <div> <B>It's going for a par-5 in two, </B></div> <div> <B>trying to cut a corner, and that instant </B></div> <div> <B>when you wonder if the shot is </B></div> <div> <B>as good as it lo</B><B>oks.</B></div> <div> <B>It's golf. And it's why we play the game.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> Interesting statement from  Medal of Honor Winner Col. "Bud" Day</div> <div> <A HREF="#medal_of_honor_recipient_bud_day_speaks" TITLE="Pinseekers.info">(Click Here)</A></div> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="1" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="509" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="VOID" RULES="NONE" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 30 WIDTH="505"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="30" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="505" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <div>  <A NAME="news"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="1" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="1" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" ></A><FONT SIZE="6" COLOR="#FFCC00" FACE="Arial" >News</FONT></div> <div> <I><B><U>New Handicaps 9/1</U></B></I><I><B><U>/10</U></B></I></div> <div> <TABLE BORDER="3" CELLPADDING="1" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="377" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#BF0000" BORDERCOLORDARK="#0000BF" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" BGCOLOR=#FFFFFF > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 30 ><NOBR><div> 9/1/2010</div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="250"><div> Members:</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 30 WIDTH="110"><div> 9.0</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="250"><div> Adams, Don</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 30 WIDTH="110"><div> 15.2</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="250"><div> Bassney, Jim</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 30 WIDTH="110"><div> 15.4</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="250"><div> Brill, Ted</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 30 WIDTH="110"><div> 15.7</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="250"><div> Bolin, Fred</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 30 WIDTH="110"><div> 16.4</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="250"><div> Bygate, Arnie</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 30 WIDTH="110"><div> 16.7</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="250"><div> Cunningham, Ray</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 30 WIDTH="110"><div> 10.5</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="250"><div> Deeken, Larry</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 30 WIDTH="110"><div> 15.0</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="250"><div> Dunnery, John</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 30 WIDTH="110"><div> 9.0</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="250"><div> Hearn, Bob</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 30 WIDTH="110"><div> 9.7</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="250"><div> Honeywell, Charlie</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 30 WIDTH="110"><div> 15.3</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="250"><div> Huber, Dave</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 30 WIDTH="110"><div> 15.9</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="250"><div> Peed, Mel</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 30 WIDTH="110"><div> 15.7</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="250"><div> Quisimberto, Joe</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 30 WIDTH="110"><div> 13.6</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="250"><div> Roberts, John</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 30 WIDTH="110"><div> 12.9</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="250"><div> Stephenson, Emil</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 30 WIDTH="110"><div> 15.3</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="250"><div> VanWyck, Bill</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 30 WIDTH="110"><div> 13.0</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="250"><div> Williams, Roger</div> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>Schedule</B></I><I><B> <A NAME="schedule"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="1" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="1" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" ></A></B></I></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="4" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="781" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#EEEEEE" BORDERCOLORDARK="#33CC00" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" BGCOLOR=#BF0000 > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 627 WIDTH="765"><div> <B>Monday </B>Fellow members,</div> <bR> <div> We have 13 player indicating playing on Monday, September 13th. </div> <bR> <div> The game will be individual utilizing the "stableford" format with the following scoring: (54- your handicap establishes your quota to shoot for) </div> <bR> <div> Double Bogey = 1 point </div> <div> Bogey = 2 point</div> <div> Par = 3 points</div> <div> Birdie = 5 points</div> <div> Eagle = 8 points </div> <div> Hole in one = $50.00</div> <bR> <div> Money pool = $65.00 Paying 5 places, $20, $15, $12, $10, $8 </div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> #65459 Masters/Hertiage 8:15 Group One: Quisimberto, Van Wyck, Huber</div> <bR> <div> #65460 Master/Hertiage 8:22 Group Two: Bassney , Dunnery, Peed</div> <bR> <div> #65461 Masters/Hertiage 8:29 Group Three: Deeken, Honeywell, Stephenson</div> <bR> <div> #65462 Masters/Hertiage 8:07 Group Four: Williams, Hearn, Bolin, Roberts</div> <bR> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 30 WIDTH="765"><div> <B>Friday</B></div> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="2" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="683" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" BGCOLOR=#000000 > <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 30 WIDTH="671"><div> Wednesday Group Schedule</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 30 WIDTH="671"><div> Saturday Group Schedule</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 19 WIDTH="671"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="19" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="671" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> <div>  <img src="HTMLobj-71/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="234" height="138">  </div> <bR> <div>  <img src="HTMLobj-68/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="180" height="137">  </div> <div>  <A NAME="results_0301_1"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="1" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="1" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" ></A><FONT SIZE="6" COLOR="#FFCC00" FACE="Arial" >Results</FONT></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="0452cf40.jpg" border=0 width="300" height="244" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">  <IMG SRC="04c2cf40.jpg" border=0 width="300" height="244" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <I><B> <A NAME="bad_golf_jokes"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="1" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="1" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" ></A></B></I><I><B>Bad Golf Jokes</B></I></div> <div> (Send Me Your Favorites)</div> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="1" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="626" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="VOID" RULES="NONE" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER BGCOLOR=#FFFFFF HEIGHT= 3254 WIDTH="622"><div> These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow.</div> <div> ~ Sam Snead</div> <bR> <div> I was three over. One over a house, one over a patio, and one over a swimming pool.</div> <div> ~ George Brett</div> <bR> <div> Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And I took a 7 to do that.</div> <div> ~ Jim Murray</div> <bR> <div> The only sure rule in golf is - he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie.</div> <div> ~ Mickey Mantle</div> <bR> <div> Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them</div> <div> ~ Kevin Costner</div> <bR> <div> I don't fear death, but I sure don't like those three-footers for par..</div> <div> ~ Chi Chi Rodriguez</div> <bR> <div> After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.</div> <div> ~ Chi Chi Rodriguez</div> <bR> <div> The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree..</div> <div> ~ Brian Weis</div> <bR> <div> Swing hard in case you hit it.</div> <div> ~ Dan Marino</div> <bR> <div> My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered.</div> <div> ~ Lord Robertson</div> <bR> <div> Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.</div> <div> ~ Jack Benny</div> <bR> <div> There is no similarity between golf and putting; they are two different games, one played in the air, and the other on the ground..</div> <div> ~ Ben Hogan</div> <bR> <div> Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20% of the time, you're the best</div> <div> ~ Jack Nicklaus</div> <bR> <div> The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. It's almost a law.</div> <div> ~ H G Wells</div> <bR> <div> I never pray on a golf course. Actually, the Lord answers my prayers everywhere except on the course.</div> <div> ~ Billy Graham</div> <bR> <div> If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf..</div> <div> ~ Bob Hope</div> <bR> <div> While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.</div> <div> ~ Henny Youngman</div> <bR> <div> If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.</div> <div> ~ Jack Lemmon</div> <bR> <div> You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.</div> <div> ~ Lee Trevino</div> <bR> <div> I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.</div> <div> ~ Lee Trevino</div> <bR> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="4" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="734" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#990033" BORDERCOLORDARK="#EEEEEE" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" BGCOLOR=#330099 > <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER BGCOLOR=#FFFFFF HEIGHT= 680 WIDTH="718"><div> <B>A hooded robber burst into a Texas Bank and forced the tellers to load a</B></div> <div> <B>sack full of cash. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>On his way out the door a brave Texas customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off revealing the robber's face. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The robber shot the customer without a moment's hesitation. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him. The robber instantly shot him also. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Everyone else, by now very scared, looked intently down at the floor in silence. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The Robber yelled, "Well, did anyone else see my face?" </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>There are a few moments of utter silence, in which everyone was plainly afraid to speak. .... </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Then one old man tentatively raised his hand and said, </B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>"My wife got a good look at you." </B></div> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <I><B> <TABLE BORDER="4" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="712" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#330000" BORDERCOLORDARK="#663333" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" BGCOLOR=#FFFFFF > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 2440 WIDTH="696"><div> <I><B>Following from Mel Peed</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack! "Help me dear," she groans to her husband. </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter and lines up his putt. His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him. </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>"I'm dying here and you're putting?" "Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly, "they </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you."</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>"Well, how long will it take for him to </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>get here?" she asks feebly. "No time at all," says</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>her husband. </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>"Everybody's already agreed to let him play </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>through." </B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>A gushy reporter told Phil Mickelson, "You are spectacular, your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the course. What's your secret?" </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>Mickelson replied, "The holes are numbered." </B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>A young man and a priest are playing together. At a short par-3 the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole, my son?" </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>The young man says, "An 8-iron, father. How about you?" The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray." </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball on the green. The priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards. </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>The young man says, "I don't know about you, father, but in my church, when we pray, we </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>keep our head down." </B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 5-iron standing over a lifeless man. </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?" </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>"Yes" says the woman. </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>"Did you hit him with that golf club?" </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>"Yes, yes, I did.." The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her hands on her </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>face."</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>"How many times did you hit him?" </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>"I don't know, five, six, maybe seven times.....just put me down for a five." </B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening between two trees he thought he could hit through. </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing. The ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him. </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked, "Are you a good golfer?" </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>The man replied: "Got here in two, didn't I?" </B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>The bride was escorted down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side. </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>She said: "What are your golf clubs doing here?" </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"</B></I></div> <bR> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></B></I></div> <div> <B>The Old Golfer </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show </B></div> <div> <B>up. One is a good looking, older retired golfer in his late sixties </B></div> <div> <B>and the other is a gorgeous blond in her mid-twenties.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This </B></div> <div> <B>is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better </B></div> <div> <B>be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, whip </B></div> <div> <B>and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The girl says, "I'll go first.." She walks past the chair, the whip </B></div> <div> <B>and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts </B></div> <div> <B>to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, </B></div> <div> <B>she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and </B></div> <div> <B>starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her </B></div> <div> <B>entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The circus owner's jaw is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a </B></div> <div> <B>display like that in my life." He then turns to the retired golfer and </B></div> <div> <B>asks, "Can you top that?"</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The tough old golfer replies, </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>No problem, just get that lion out of there.. </B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <I><B> <TABLE BORDER="2" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="408" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#330000" BORDERCOLORDARK="#990000" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" BGCOLOR=#FFFFFF > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 1187 WIDTH="396"><div> Sunday morning sex</div> <div> I will never hear church bells ringing again without smiling.</div> <bR> <div> Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, </div> <bR> <div> Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. </div> <div> When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, </div> <div> "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."</div> <bR> <div> Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.</div> <bR> <div> "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, </div> <div> we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. </div> <div> It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."</div> <bR> <div> She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."</div> <bR> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></B></I></div> <div> <I><B><IMG SRC="053c05b0.jpg" border=0 width="448" height="603" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B> <TABLE BORDER="2" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="508" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#FF9900" BORDERCOLORDARK="#FFCC80" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" BGCOLOR=#330000 > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 835 WIDTH="496"><div> Golfing with a nun and priest </div> <bR> <div> A priest and a nun were taking a rare afternoon off and enjoying a round of golf. The priest stepped up to the first tee and took a mighty swing. He missed the ball entirely and said "Shit, I missed." </div> <bR> <div> The good Sister told him to watch his language. </div> <div> On his next swing, he missed again. "Shit, I missed."<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#FFCC00" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <bR> <div> "Father, I'm not going to play with you if you keep swearing," the nun said tartly. </div> <div> The priest promised to do better and the round continued. On the 4th tee, he misses again. The usual comment followed. </div> <div> Sister is really mad now and says, "Father John, God is going to strike you dead if you keep swearing like that." </div> <div> On the next tee, Father John swings and misses again. "Shit, I missed."</div> <bR> <bR> <div> A terrible rumble is heard and a gigantic bolt of lightning comes out of the sky and strikes Sister Theresa dead in her tracks. </div> <bR> <div> And from the sky comes a booming voice .......<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#FFCC00" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <bR> <div> "Shit, I missed."</div> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></B></I></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="2" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="408" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#FF0000" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" BGCOLOR=#000033 > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 672 WIDTH="396"><div> A man was playing 18 holes by himself. On the 15th tee he hooked his ball into some buttercups along the left of the fairway. Being an honorable man, he penalized himself one stroke and moved his ball out of the pretty flowers. </div> <div> Then a fairy appeared. She said "Thank you for moving your ball out of the earth's beautiful buttercups, you will now be blessed with an unlimited supply of butter for the rest of your life!" </div> <div> "Well, thanks," the man replied, "but where were you yesterday when I hit my ball into the pussywillows?"</div> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="2" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="695" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#000000" BORDERCOLORDARK="#663300" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" BGCOLOR=#FFFFFF > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 1081 WIDTH="683"><div> <B>A husband and wife were out enjoying a round of golf and about to tee off on the third hole which was lined by beautiful homes. The wife hit her shot and the ball began to slice. Her shot was headed directly at a very large picture window. Much to their surprise, the ball smashed through the window and shattered it into a million pieces. They felt compelled to see what damage was done and drove off to see what had happened. </B></div> <div> <B>When they peeked inside the home, they could find no one there. The husband called out and no one answered. Upon further investigation, they saw a gentleman sitting on the couch with a turban on his head. </B></div> <div> <B>The wife said, "Do you live here?" </B></div> <div> <B>"No, someone just hit a ball through the window, knocked over the vase you see there, and freed me from that little bottle. I am so grateful," he answered. </B></div> <div> <B>The wife said, "Are you a genie?" </B></div> <div> <B>"Oh, why yes, I am. In fact, I am so grateful, I will grant you two wishes, the third I will keep for myself," the genie replied. </B></div> <div> <B>The husband and wife agreed on 2 wishes...one was a scratch handicap for the husband, to which the wife readily agreed. The other was for an income of $1,000,000 per year forever. </B></div> <div> <B>The genie nodded and said, "Done!" </B></div> <div> <B>The genie now said, "For my wish I would like to have my way with your wife. I have not been with a woman for many years and, after all, I have made you a scratch golfer and millionaire." </B></div> <div> <B>The husband and wife agreed and after the genie and wife finished, the genie asked the wife, "How long have you been married?" </B></div> <div> <B>She replied, "3 years." </B></div> <div> <B>The genie then asked, "How old is your husband?" </B></div> <div> <B>To which she responded, "31 years old." </B></div> <div> <B>The genie then asked, "And how long has he believed in this genie shit?"</B></div> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <div> <A HREF="#top" TITLE="Pinseekers.info">Top</A></div> <div> <FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#FFCC00" FACE="Georgia" >  <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" style="width: 271px; background-color: #FFF; border: 1px solid #999;"><tr><td colspan="2"><div style="height: 35px;"><a href="http://www.wunderground.com/US/FL/Summerfield.html?bannertypeclick=htmlSticker"><img src="http://banners.wunderground.com/weathersticker/htmlSticker1/language/www/US/FL/Summerfield.gif" alt="" height="35" width="271" style="border: 0px;"></a></div></td></tr><tr><td style="vertical-align: top;"><div style="width: 101px;"><div style="height: 22px;"><img src="http://icons-pe.wxug.com/graphics/smash/htmlsticker/html_linkT.gif" width="101" height="22"></div><div style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 10px; background-image: url(http://icons-pe.wxug.com/graphics/smash/htmlsticker/html_linkBG.gif); text-align: left;"><div style="padding-left: 10px;"><a href="http://www.wunderground.com/history/airport/KVVG/1972/1/1/PlannerHistory.html?bannertypeclick=htmlSticker">Plan your trip</a></div><div style="padding-left: 10px;"><a href="http://www.wunderground.com/radar/radblast.asp?ID=TBW®ion=d5&lat=28.99094582&lon=-82.04721069">Local Radar</a></div><div style="padding-left: 10px;"><a href="http://www.wunderground.com/US/FL/Summerfield.html?bannertypeclick=htmlSticker">Detailed Forecast</a></div><div style="height: 12px;"><img src="http://icons-pe.wxug.com/graphics/smash/htmlsticker/html_linkB.gif" width="101" height="12"></div></div><form action="http://www.wunderground.com/cgi-bin/findweather/getForecast" method="get" target="_blank" style="margin-top: 10px; margin-bottom: 0px; text-align: center;"><input type="hidden" name="bannertypeclick" value="htmlSticker"><div><input name="query" type="text" value="Find Weather" onFocus="this.value=''" style="width: 85px;"></div><div style="padding-top: 5px;"><input name="GO" type="submit" value="GO" style="width: 50px; background-color: #008; color: #FFF; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; border-top: 1px solid #CCC; border-left: 1px solid #CCC; border-right: 1px solid #000; border-bottom: 1px solid #000;"></div></form></div></td><td style="vertical-align: top;"><div style="height: 139px;"><a href="http://www.wunderground.com/US/FL/Summerfield.html?bannertypeclick=htmlSticker"><img src="http://banners.wunderground.com/weathersticker/htmlSticker2_cond/language/www/US/FL/Summerfield.gif" alt="" height="139" width="170" style="border: 0px;"></a></div></td></tr></table>   </FONT> <A NAME="medal_of_honor_recipient_bud_day_speaks"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="1" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="1" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" ></A></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <A HREF="#top" TITLE="Pinseekers.info">Top</A></div> <div>  <A NAME="videos"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="1" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="1" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" ></A>Videos</div> <bR> <div> I know I'm putting way too many videos on here...but they're funny.</div> <bR> <div>  <a href="HTMLobj-85/TheWomen_sTee.wmv" target="_blank"><u>The Women's Tee</u></a>  </div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> To watch Video Stop music above left</div> <div>  <embed id=VideoPlayback src=http://video.google.com/googleplayer.swf?docid=3636435540043947603&hl=en&fs=true style=width:400px;height:326px allowFullScreen=true allowScriptAccess=always type=application/x-shockwave-flash> </embed>  </div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <A HREF="#top" TITLE="Pinseekers.info">Top</A></div> <bR> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>